Galatians 6:9 And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.
Recently, I've been feeling rather despondent about the bus ministry. I know God has called me to this. I know it is His will for me, but I was to the point I didn't want to do it anymore. This past Sunday, the kids in Junior Church were wound up. Vacation Bible School was just around the bend, and they were excited. While I preached, I felt as though none were listening.
Later, as we took the children home, and I had to remind the same kids over and over to stay in their seat, I felt as though I was wasting my time. I got home and told my wife that I was done. I just didn't want to do it anymore.
I didn't want to sacrifice every Saturday to go on visitation. I didn't want to have to get up early to make the bus on Sunday. I didn't want to miss the preaching and I didn't want to have to stay late.
She told me that the pastor's sermon (which I missed to be in Children's Church) was "Faint not."
"That sermon, babe, was for you.", she said.
You see, I had taken my eyes off of the big picture and have lost hope. I haven't seen God changing lives, or showing up in a big way for awhile now and just got drained. I have forgotten that the bus ministry is not a microwave, it's a Crockpot. I felt frustrated because I didn't see results, but I believe that the lack of results are partially my fault.
You see, while I need to pray God's anointing down every Saturday before I go visiting, I haven't been. While I need to beg the Lord for each of those precious bus kids who I have a chance to influence, I haven't. When I needed to be in the Word, letting God set my mind right, I wasn't. When I should have been firm and dealt consequences for bad behavior from the kids, I resisted dispensing consequences which they took as weak.
Tonight, I was totally out of gas, and wanting, again, to just quit. I wanted to walk away and say "This is too hard. This costs too much."
But God...
Ever notice how many times the bible says "But God"? Romans 6:23 "For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life..." It appears 43 times. There is a reason. God is the contrast
But God broke my heart tonight through this video and reminded me, yet again, why I do what I do. It's not for the praise and recognition of man or of earthly rewards. I do it for Him. I do it to reach a lost and dying world with the message of hope and it is God who is responsible for the results I have.
All ministry is difficult. It breaks your heart. You give and give, and sacrifice and sacrifice and it seems there is only heartache in return. Sometimes, the best we imperfect humans can do is just not to give up, and trust God, and, as our verse tells us, faint not.
Bus ministry Video
